Open Your Eyes
by Daquarma
Summary: C7 up! Asuka finds herself wanting nothing more than to prove her worth in Nerv, with or without her memory. Meanwhile, Shinji struggles against his father's restraints, in desperate need to talk to Asuka. Rei has her own perspective of the situation.
1. Look up to the skies

Open Your Eyes 

_By_ _Darq_

_DISCLAIMER_: All characters, places and props stated in this story are the property of Gainax and Mr. Anno. New plot, new storyline and new characteristics of Gainax characters are the work of me, (real name removed for security reasons) aka Darquarma. Please note that the owner of this fanfiction has a slightly twisted mind which will most probably result in his premature death at the hands of hardcore, original-plot-loving Neon Genesis Evangelion fans. And that's all I got to say about that. 

_About This Story_: This is my theory of what the series would be like if Asuka and Shinji had gotten together. I'm not _that_ much of an A/S fan; neither do I support A/R's cause that would be gross. Imagine going out with a clone of your mom. I'd have _fraggin_ nightmares. I also feel the need to warn you that this is intended to be a serious story, so if you laugh while reading this story you are _so_ sick in the _head_. I _guess_ that's a _good_ enough introduction and _abuse_ of _italics_. Enjoy my mind's excretement, so to speak. =)~

  Shinji lay in his bed on the floor, his SDAT playing in his ears. His eyes were closed but he was awake, trying to sleep. It was aggravating, attempting to fall into unconsciousness but failing miserably. Now he lay awake, thinking hard about sleeping, thinking about how comfortable he is, about how warm his mattress was. Yet he couldn't drift off. The SDAT switched sides on the tape and continued playing for the fifth time.

  It must have been about 3am now. Shinji's eyes were strained. He was starting to get a little too warm and uncomfortable. It was unnerving. Misato was asleep in the other room and Asuka was in the room beside his. Both of them were silent. Was he the only one awake? Why him? Why couldn't he sleep soundly each night like everyone else? Somehow Shinji knew that the answers lay within the Eva. Within Nerv. Within his nightmares about the Angels and within himself. His numerous battles against the Angels played in his mind like a fuzzy television set. He could feel the anger he felt in that bloody entry plug. He could feel the trigger clasped tightly in his fingers. He could feel the pressure of the progressive blade being plunged into the blood-drop core of the angel.  He'd seen more than his share of blood and gore, yet he was still the third child. Why? Why go on? These thoughts played in his mind, slowly drifting him off towards sleep. Sweet glorious sleep. It was inches away.

  Shinji saw a light go on through his eyelids. His eyes snapped open as he saw the slender silhouette of Asuka disappear into the bathroom. The door gently shut as the beam of light shrank into an outline of the bathroom door. Shinji groaned and turned over, facing the wall. Slowly, agonizingly, he tried to fall asleep again. The SDAT slipped of the mattress onto the floor in a small thud, and stopped playing. Shinji remained silent, unwilling to open his eyes again to check on the SDAT. The gentle, deliberately slow wave of sleep washed over him once more. 

  Shinji returned to full awareness once more as the sound of a toilet flushing rumbled in his ears. (Damn Asuka) Shinji cursed as the bathroom door opened once more. Clenching his teeth, Shinji attempted, for the third time in this night that stretched on like an eternity, to fall asleep. Soft footsteps could be heard trailing slowly. He imagined Asuka walking back to her bed without opening his eyes. She was beautiful, even in his thoughts. If only she wasn't such a bitch sometimes. Shinji was convinced that Asuka has a softer, more gentle and sensitive side. If she were to let it out, Shinji would've liked her much more. At the verge of desperation to fall asleep, Shinji thought about Asuka.

  A ruffling of blankets could be heard. (She must be in bed). Shinji begin to drift off into sleep again, unaware that something was pulling at his blanket, and it was slowly sliding off his waist. Shinji felt a chill on his skin and rolled over, not opening his eyes, and groped for his blanket. He found it and pulled it over him. Something pleasantly warm moved towards his body. It wasn't until Shinji felt a warm leg brush against his thigh that he realized he wasn't alone. He opened his eyes to find Asuka Langley Shoryu's face an inch from his. 


	2. And See

  The shock begin to fade away. It was dark, and the shadows were playing tricks on his eyes. He couldn't see for certain if Asuka's eyes were open. But then again, he reasoned, if they were, he'd probably be dead by now. The earphones tugged and slipped from his ears. Now the white silence of the night could be heard, along with Asuka's slow, gentle breaths. Shinji steered his eyes downwards, surveying his unexpected companion. She was wearing a sleeveless shirt that was much too big for her. The collar drooped down to above her chest, revealing the top curves of her breasts. Shinji held his breath. Slowly, his eyes moved downwards. Her boxers were half hidden by her large shirt. Shinji exhaled as slowly as he could.

  Shinji was just about to get up and sleep on the floor when Asuka sidled closer to him, her face moving towards his. Her slender legs where against his thighs and he could feel her soft, smooth skin pressed against his. He could feel her warmth radiating onto him. Her nose was pressed against his cheek. Her slightly parted lips were about a centimeter away from his, and Shinji could feel her warm breath on his lips. One sudden move, and their lips would be pressed against each other. Shinji couldn't deny that he was tempted.

  Shinji moved his hand across her waist, softly placing his wrist along her hip. As if by reaction, Asuka's hand slid behind Shinji, her fingers resting limply along his back. Shinji was uncertain if she was pretending to sleep, but if she were her acting was beautiful. Shinji moved his hands upwards, trailing her long red hair, taking in the softness. It was not unlike fine silk, cool and smooth between his fingers… like water.

  "Shinji…" 

  Shinji was still for a moment. It was a while until he was certain that Asuka was just talking in her sleep. She had called his name. Was she dreaming about him? If so what dream was it? Her fingers were a little tense against his back. It was as if she was gripping him. She softly muttered something unintelligible as her fingernails dug gently into his shirt and eventually relaxed and settled again, resting against his back. Her other arm slid underneath his neck 

  Both her arms were around him now, holding him in a gentle hug. Shinji closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. What was he doing? Was he really taking advantage of someone asleep? What was this feeling? It was growing inside him yet he couldn't identify it. What would happen if people found out? Would they hate him? Shinji opened his eyes and involuntarily exhaled, sending waves of hot air all over Asuka's face.

  Asuka's eyes snapped open. Shinji could see her pupils shrink as they adsorbed the situation. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off when Shinji crushed his lips against hers. What motivated him to do so, he would never really understand. But he did. Asuka's eyes grew wider but soon begin to shut and eventually close completely. She was locked in a passionate embrace with Shinji Ikari, and she was enjoying it. Slowly, she slid her tongue into his mouth, exploring him. His tongue met hers, and they lapped together in a slow, graceful dance. Shinji pushed his tongue past hers, discovering her, savoring her taste. Shinji's arms were pressing her towards him, and her arms were rummaging his hair, pushing his face greedily into hers, wanting this moment of heated passion and bliss and primal ecstasy to never end. 

Their lips parted eventually, and they stared at each other over the veil of darkness, both their moist lips curved in a smile. Asuka sidled closer to him, her head resting against his chest, as Shinji pulled the blankets over both of them, and they slept in each other's embrace until the sun rose the next morning. It was on that night that Shinji Ikari, 14 year old Evangelion Pilot and destined Third Child, fell in love with Asuka Langley Shoryu.

-=+=-Congratulations-=+=- 

--------------------------------------------- 

I have no idea when in the series this happened. Don't ask. Its my first ever fanfiction so don't blam me too hard.


	3. I'm Just A Poor Boy

  Shinji noticed a considerable change in Asuka's attitude over the next few weeks. She was nicer now, especially to her Shinji. Perhaps being in love really did change a person's personality. She never answered Shinji rudely, except for the occasional baka-Shinji. But that was always with a loving tone and a smile. She hardly lost her temper anymore. She even glowed with a certain aura that portrayed her inner happiness and content. She was, as Shinji now came to realize, sweet.

  Both their sync ratios were overwhelming. Ritsuko and Misato were pleased. Shinji and Asuka never said anything, but they both knew who they were thinking about during those quiet hours in the entry plug. Asuka was now genuinely concern about Shinji's well-being, and she refused to hide it from anyone. It was obvious, of course, to spectators and friends and family. Toji and Kensuke could not hide their disbelief after watching the couple stroll into the classroom hand-in-hand. Both of them took turns questioning Shinji about his sanity, but mellowed down after noticing Asuka's nicer side. 

  They slept in the same bed each night. Misato didn't mind. In fact she encouraged it. In Misato's opinion, Shinji's confidence could increase with the help of a special friend. Maybe that's what they both needed, someone to love and to be by loved in return. Misato knew that they could handle themselves. They were, after all, mature enough to understand the consequences of their actions. Shinji never tried anything though, and Asuka respected that. Both had a silent agreement that they would not proceed to the next step until they were both prepared and ready. And at the age of fourteen, they were certainly neither. So they just slept, content with each other's company every night, and happy to be able to hold on to something other than the Evangelions. 

______________________

  Shinji rushed towards Nerv headquarters as every speaker in Tokyo-3 blared out warnings that an emergency had been declared. Everyone was safe in the shelters, and Shinji was running as fast as possible. Asuka and Rei were nowhere in sight. He was separated from them during the evacuation in school. Shinji guessed that they were already at headquarters. They were probably with the fourth child. Shinji had no idea who he or she was, but he didn't seem to want to know. Today was the first activation test for the fifth Evangelion. Shinji would have a new colleague. Nerv would have a new Eva. Shinji was wondering if it was a coincidence that the Angel chose today for its attack. 

  The automated doors slid open as Shinji ran through the corridor, into the locker room. After changing into his plug suit, he was loaded into the entry plug an finally into Eva-01. The Eva began to taxi towards the catapults, where Eva-00 and Eva-02 were waiting for launch. Shinji wondered where Eva-05 was. He contacted Asuka. Her face appeared in an orange square to his right. She looked extremely grim.

"What's wrong Asuka-chan?" he asked, concerned.

"You don't know?" she raised an eyebrow.

  Before he could ask "Know what?" they were launched upwards. Shinji decided to ask questions later. Destroying the Angel was his first priority. 

"Where's the Angel, Misato-san?" 

  Maya's voice came through.

"Its not an Angel. The target is Eva-05"

"What?! What happened?! Where's Misato?"

  Maya explained briefly about the explosion, and how the Eva went berserk. 

"Misato…What about the pilot?!"

"We have no information at this point. All we know is that the ejection was not confirmed, and that the pilot is still within the Eva."

"The pilot is still in there?" asked Shinji, bewildered. "A pilot… a person my age… I wonder who he is…"

  Asuka's face reappeared on another orange screen.

"Shinji-kun… the pilot is – AAAAAAAAH" the screen went blank.

"ASUKA!!!" yelled Shinji

"Eva-02 is down. Plug has been ejected. Sending retrievers."

______________________

  The berserk Eva had been overpowered and disemboweled by Eva-01, using the Dummy Plug. Shinji was furious at his father for using his hands to destroy the Eva. The entry plug was crushed by 01's fist, and the pilot was being rescued. Shinji could only pray that he or she was alive. 

  Misato's voice filled the entry plug. She sounded frail and weary. Shinji was happy to hear her alive. 

"Shinji-kun… I'm sorry… I should've told you earlier… I'm really sorry…"

"Tell me what Misato-san?"

"I'm really sorry… I should've told you… the pilot of Eva-05 is…"

  Shinji let out a bloodcurdling scream as Toji Suzuhara's limp body was carried out of the ruined entry plug.

______________________

  Shinji had been forced out of the entry plug and brought to the Nerv hospital, where he slept in a bed beside Toji's. Toji had been badly injured, and was in a state of coma. The doctors couldn't say if he would ever regain consciousness, neither could they confirm that he wouldn't be paralyzed from the waist down. Either way, the chances were low. Shinji was moved to an isolated ward without being woken up. There he slept a dreamless sleep, not stirring an inch for three days.

  Shinji woke up to a familiar ceiling. It was the same ceiling he'd seen after waking up from his first battle with an Angel. It took him a while to recall what had happened. Disgusted with the memories, he turned to his side. Asuka was curled up beside him, fast asleep. She looked pale and cold, and Shinji felt a tinge of guilt. Slowly, he slid his blanket over her, and she stirred closer to him. A tear glistened in her eye before falling onto the bed sheets and disappearing. Shinji hugged her gently, and she woke.

"Shinji…" she whispered, another tear forming in her eye.

"I'm okay, Asuka-chan" he said with a thin smile, wiping her tear with his finger. 

"I'm so sorry… I should have told you…"

"Forget about it." Shinji breathed. "How's Toji?"

  Asuka explained about the possibilities of Toji's recovery. Shinji faced the ceiling and closed his eyes. It was his turn to stem the tears. Asuka held him close, attempting to comfort him. All he could do was hold her in return. He prayed hard that Toji would recover. He silently swore at his father. His mind was beginning to haze again, so he slept, with his darling Asuka beside him, whispering loving words into his ear, as their hearts beat in perfect unison.

  Shinji woke up again, the spot where Asuka had lay in now cold and vacant. He wondered where she was, missing her more than ever. The room door slid open, and Shinji turned, expecting to see Asuka. Instead, two men in black suits that Shinji didn't recognize entered. They ordered him to dress and handcuffed him before bringing him to his father's office. 

  Gendo Ikari sat in his chair behind he desk, his hands joined in front of him. Shinji stood about ten feet way, his arms locked by the handcuffs in front of him. He was giving his father the most insolent stare he could muster. The Commander questioned Shinji, and Shinji replied that he would not pilot the Eva anymore. Commander Ikari then proceeded to accuse Shinji of running away, again. Shinji yelled that he would not be a toy for his father to manipulate. He left the room fuming. He was going to leave Nerv. He was going to leave Tokyo-3. He was going to leave the Evangelions, the Angels and his father. Nothing would stop him. Nothing at all. Not even his beloved Asuka.

---To be continued---

______________________

Author's note: I know I twisted the original Gainax-owned plot a bit… but hey its my fanfic )~


	4. I Need No Sympathy

  Shinji fell backwards out into the corridor of Misato's apartment. Asuka had launched herself at him the moment he entered, and was now on top of him, sharing a heated kiss. Shinji smiled a grateful smile when she finally released him. They entered the apartment together, Asuka extremely happy at the return of Shinji, who was gloomy. They sat down opposite each other, Asuka handing him a cup of warm tea she had made earlier. 

  Shinji didn't know what to tell her, but she wasn't persistent. He finally gave her a synopsis of what happened in his father's office. Asuka was silent for a while. 

"So you're leaving?" she asked finally.

"Yes… I have to… I cannot stand this place…" Shinji replied, holding back his anger through clenched teeth. "I hate this place… I _hate_ this place so much!"

  Asuka bit her lower lip. She longed to question Shinji about where their relationship would lie after he leaves, but she couldn't bear to hear the answer. Not now. 

  They sat silently for a few minutes, Shinji trying hard to regain his composure. Finally he spoke, answering her unasked question.

"I don't wanna lose you, Asuka-chan." He said, staring at the soggy dregs in his cup, but not really looking. "Come with me… follow me… we'll start a new life together."

  Asuka bit harder into her lip. She was torn between the two things that meant the most to her in her life, and her mind was confused. She had to decide…

  Shinji got up and entered his and Asuka's room, piling his belongings into a large briefcase. Asuka could only stare at her cup of tea the whole time. The pressure was too much. She loved Shinji, but piloting the Evangelion was her life. It was her reason for existence. But so was Shinji. These thoughts wrestled with each other within her mind.

Asuka dissolved into tears. 

  Shinji dropped his bag outside their room door, and knelt beside Asuka, hugging her from behind. Warm tears streamed down her face and dripped off her chin onto his arms. They hugged like that for a long time. Asuka finally stopped crying and was silent, hugging his arms in front of her. She looked over her shoulder to Shinji, and shook her head. She was going to stay. She could not leave.

  Shinji got up and picked up his briefcase. He silently walked towards the front door of the Katsuragi residence. Asuka followed him, but stopped at the corridor leading to the exit. Shinji turned around.

"I love you, Asuka-chan…"

  He left.

-----------------------

  Now alone in the apartment, Asuka leaned forward into the wall, tears streaming down her face. Things were terrible. Her sync ratios were dropping dramatically since Shinji's hospitalization. Her awful period cramps were not improving the situation. And Shinji left. Shinji left. Baka-Shinji left her. She was all alone now. All alone.

"Baka…. Baka… BAKA!"

  She sank to her knees and broke down crying again. She cried as the white hot pain in her stomach grew. She cried through the pain for a long time, before finally passing out on the hard, cold, wooden floor.

----------------------

  Shinji stood in front of the tracks, waiting for his train. Misato had dropped him off, but not before giving him some well-chosen words. 

  The train arrived and stopped. A female voice announced something that Shinji was not paying attention to. He mechanically boarded the empty train.

  The doors closed behind him, and the plastic handles hanging from the bars on the roof begin to sway. The train left the station and began to gain speed, heading towards the outside world.

-----------------------

Author's note: Bah I'm screwing up everyone's favorite anime… I know I'm going to hell for this… I just know it… x.x


	5. Because I Am

  The train moved further and further away from the station. Shinji watched as the final glimpse of the station disappeared from sight. He questioned himself again why he was doing this. Was it pride? Was it cowardice? No, Shinji reasoned, he just wanted a simpler life. He never wanted to be a pilot. He didn't do it by choice. Flashbacks of himself sitting on the earth behind his school, rubbing a bruise delivered by Toji, played in his mind.

"I didn't pilot it by choice…" he repeated after his mental image of himself. The train rattled as it neared the edge of Tokyo-3. He was running away. He knew it, but he could not admit it. In a fit of self loathing, Shinji put on his SDAT and pressed the play button, attempting to drown out his thoughts with his favorite songs. Shinji stared at the roof from his bench as the voice of a female vocalist vibrated his eardrums. 

The train stopped.

Shinji stopped the tape. He was nowhere near a station. The train had stopped in its tracks, and was completely still, with the exception of the swaying handles above Shinji. Shinji got up as the automated doors opened. 

"What's going on?" he asked aloud to nobody.

  As if answering his question, the carriage's lone speaker announced that an emergency had been declared, and that he should exit the train and proceed to the nearest shelter. Shinji cringed. An angel attack. He stared at the general direction of Nerv headquarters, and wondered about Asuka. 

He got off the train.

---------------------------

  Asuka picked up the assault rifle sent up by Misato. The angel was an ugly one, not unlike a deformed doll. It's arms were folded like long ribbons at its side. Its feel were mere stumps of its body, and it's face resembled a white, clay mask. Asuka was concentrating on increasing her sync with all her might. She could not lose now. She was the only available option of attack, with Eva-00's arm missing and Shinji believed to be far from Tokyo-3 by now. She was the only option, yet one nagging portion of her mind was telling her it was hopeless. Without Shinji, nothing mattered. Yet she had made a choice. A stupid choice. Stupid. Stupid was what she was. Stupid. So bloody stupid. Asuka got hold of herself at the brink of bursting into tears. The angel was advancing, but Asuka was ready.

Or so she thought.

 With a sudden lash of it's leathery, carpet-shaped arm, the Angel swiped of both of Eva-02's arms, before spinning it around and striking through what appeared to be her entry plug. The Evangelion fell silent, and the angel walked past it as if it was just another building. The red Evangelion fell backwards, the crushed entry plug flying out and rolling over the vacant fields like a beer-can.

  Half a mile away, a breathless Shinji screamed out his lover's name after watching the Eva's ugly defeat.

--------------------------

  Shinji reached the ruined entry plug as fast as he could. No retriever crew was in sight yet. Tearing off his shirt and wrapping his hands with it, he slowly twisted open the latch of the entry plug. Steam billowed into his face as he concentrated on releasing the entry hatch. The hatch opened and the steam cleared, revealing the limp body of Asuka Langley Sohryu, clad in her compressed, red plug suit, hunched over her controls. Her head was bleeding, and her red blood was mingling with the orange LCL. Shinji dragged her out as blaring sirens of the retriever crew filled the air.

-------------------------

  After making sure that Asuka was in safe hands, Shinji ran back to headquarters, where he demanded that he be allowed to pilot Eva-01, which had rejected both Rei and the Dummy Plug. Shinji managed to lead the Angel out into the Geofront, where a gruesome battle ensued, ending with Eva-01 devouring the Angel, and Shinji lost within the entry plug at the Sync ratio of 400%. The Evangelion, by taking into itself the Angel, had thrown off the shackles that enabled NERV to control it. The Eva had been restrained and locked up, but Dr. Akagi and Misato were attempting to regain Shinji. 

  Inside the entry plug floated an empty plug suit. 

-------------------------

  Shinji found himself floating in LCL. His mind was merged with everything around him, and it was impossible to see where his mind ended and where the physical entry plug it was contained it began. A slow, cruel rhapsody began to play around him, like an impossibly illustrated poem. Shinji sank himself into his thoughts.

-------------------------

_Where am I?I see my suit… but where am I?_

The orange LCL.

_I'm inside the Eva. The Eva. What Am I?_

Shinji Ikari.

_Asuka? Where's Asuka?_

Asuka Langley Sohryu 

_I'm in the Eva. I'm one with it._

Primordial Soup.

Yes, primordial soup This taste… this smell…blood…this is the entry plug… 

The Entry Plug.

Who am I? 

Shinji Ikari, Third Children

Father? 

Gendo Ikari

I HATE YOU!!! 

Gendo Ikari

I HATE YOU!!! YOU ABANDONED ME! 

_I HATE YOU!!!_

Gendo Ikari

STOP IT! I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU! 

_GET OUT OF MY MIND!_

Asuka

Yes! Asuka! I want Asuka! Where's Asuka? 

Ruined entry plug, crushed.

Asuka, lifeless and bleeding.

No… no… Asuka, critical condition, possibly dead… NO! THAT'S NOT TRUE! 

How would you know?

You're in here

She's out there

SHE'S FINE! 

_SHE'S FINE!_

_SHE'S FINE!_

_SHE'S ALIVE AND WELL!_

Do you really know that?

Do you really want to find out?

SHE'S FINE! 

Only one way for you to find out, Shinji…

Mother? 

---------------------

  Shinji found himself lying facedown on an LCL flooded floor. He was in a daze, not taking notice of anything. He felt groggy, as if just woken up. With a small, giddy pleasure, he fell into deep sleep, unaware of his guardian hugging him with all her might, completely and utterly in tears. He was brought to the Nerv hospital, where he slept and slept and slept.

  Asuka lay in another bed five feet from his, dazily waking up…

---To be continued---

_____________________________________

Author's note: Okay, I've planned the structure for my ending already. I don't know when it'll be finished. I have major exams coming so I'll probably dust this off until the middle of next month. Until then, ciao!

Author's extra note: Its not that I want this fanfic to end. I really can't think of what to write. There's only a few more episodes until the actual series ends and I am writing along those lines. Maybe I'll rip of EoE with this story too but I really don't know. Maybe when I have time I'll further it to after the Third Impact. 


	6. Easy Come, Easy Go

GOMEN!!! GOMEN FOR THE LATE UPDATE!!! (no, really)

I had half this story stored in my old computer all this time. I only completed this tonight ^^;

Sorry…. I could give you a million excuses but the most believable and effective one would be I was lazy, so there =P

Anyways read, review, and get your voodoo dolls ready, coz Darqy is back with more scandalous Eva fanfics! 

Yatta!!

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  The loud chirping of cicadas could be heard from the inside. The warm rays of light shone through the windows as birds flew busily outside. A veil of mist surrounded the mountaintops. The lush, green forests at the foot of the hills climbed towards the peak, covering the mountains in green. The smell of rain and grass clung heavily in the air. The surrounding trees were moist with dew. All these sights and smells and sounds created this morning, just like any other morning. The person behind the window ran her fingers across the glass of the window separating her from the outside world. She longed to get out, but the windows and walls and doors kept her in. She was a prisoner in this corridor, able only to experience the morning within those walls. 

  Her bandaged arm hung limply and uselessly on a sling across her breasts. Her eye-patch sent her vision into two dimensions. Yet she saw everything outside. The warmth of the sun, the dampness of the earth. The smell of the flowers, the sound of the insects and animals outside. She saw and felt and longed for them, yet she was confined within the brick walls. 

  Asuka begin pounding the glass with her fists. 

Let me out…

  It was a while before she realized those words actually came out of her mouth. She stopped pounding and clenched her fist against the window pane. The window wouldn't break. 

Let me out, damn you! 

  She begin to cry. The walls grew around her, closing in on her, suffocating her. Somehow she knew that she wanted release not from the building, but from her own mind. She was terrified and frightened, for she could not remember. She felt a smothering loss that she could not explain. She felt trapped in her own mind, wanting to finally regain what was most precious to her.

  Her memory. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Dr. Akagi sat down firmly, resting a large file onto the cold, metal table. She unwound the string around the clasp of the file before opening it and scanning the first page of its contents. She flipped through the first few pages before examining a particular page. She read and reread the entire page until she was certain the information had been committed to memory. Satisfied with herself, she closed the file and looked across the table at the silent Asuka. 

  Asuka stared at her hands, which were clasped tightly on her lap. Little, fuzzy images floated across her mind, the escaped memories that still lingered within her. She concentrated on one particularly blur image. The distortion began to clear up. She could see it was a person, clad in a school uniform over a blue shirt. He looked too familiar. Her head began to hurt. Her heart began to beat faster, yet she felt no joy at that picture. Only pain. 

  Who is this person? Why does my heart hurt when I remember him? I feel like crying… I can't explain it… who are you? Who…?

 "Asuka?" Akagi's voice snapped into her brain. 

  Asuka looked up instinctively. The name triggered a reaction that made her answer it. It was confusing. It took her a while to realize that it was _her_ name. She stared blankly at Akagi, who said nothing. They looked at each other for some time, and Asuka finally looked away, unable to take Akagi's penetrating stare. Her gaze reverted to her lap again, and she bit her lower lip, confused. And alone. 

"Asuka?" Akagi repeated. "Do you know who I am?" 

   She didn't. 

"My name is Dr. Akagi. You've known me for some time." 

  Asuka looked up at Dr. Akagi. She _did _look familiar, yet she couldn't remember anything about the blond haired doctor. Her eyes were threatening to sprout tears again. It was painful, as if living in another dimension, where you mind was blank. Even your own body felt unfamiliar. Her head begin to throb. She wanted to remember. She wanted to resume whatever life she was leading before this. She wanted to be normal again. Yet, a tiny part of her didn't. And it was linked to that boy… that boy she could not remember.

"…and it seems that you have lost most, if not all, of you memory." Akagi concluded. "Asuka, did you understand me?" 

  Asuka nodded. Akagi leaned back and sighed with relief. At least she wasn't completely wiped. She reopened the file and scribbled something untidy on the first page. Pushing the file aside and recapping her pen, she leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table, and her chin on her hands. She began to talk casually to Asuka, as if over coffee. Akagi smiled reassuringly at Asuka, who seemed more confused than ever. 

"Asuka, if you can reply, please do. I'm quite sure the impact to your head did not affect your ability to speak." 

  She remained silent. She had nothing to say. She didn't know anything. She was lost, confused, and most of all, frightened of all around her. 

"Come on…" Akagi said with a tiny tinge of impatience. "Do you remember your age?" 

"Fourteen" 

  Another instinctive reply. Her voice was, thankfully, familiar to her. It did not seem foreign, like everything else. Maybe she wasn't so lost after all. She just needed something to push the memories back into place. Bit by bit Akagi begin to question her. She could remember tiny, irrelevant things like her birthday or favorite food. But when it came to subject like 'Nerv' or 'Evangelion' she was as confused and before, and her head hurt more. After about an hour of interrogation, Asuka was given a quick physical check up. Akagi wrote everything down on the first page of the file. She escorted Asuka back to her room, where she left her, alone to wander in her thoughts. She ended up falling asleep, her mind suddenly exhausted by the day's activities. She slept restlessly, the boy once again intruding into her mind. She cried in her sleep. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  Gendo Ikari waited outside Akagi's office as she finished filing her last reports. She backed out of her office, he arms laden with books and papers. She passed the Commander, who began striding along her side. He did not offer to help. They walked side by side in silence up until the break room. Akagi released her burden onto a nearby table and proceeded to the vending machine. She was putting in the final coin when Commander Ikari spoke up. 

"What is the report on the second child?" 

Akagi collected her drink from the slot at the bottom of the machine. She opened the can, and took a long, welcomed drought. She stared ahead into the rows of display cans arranged behind a transparent plastic screen ahead of her. She took another sip before replying. 

"She's suffering from something called 'Selective Amnesia'." 

"Elaborate." 

"Her mind wanted to forget something tremendous, something that impacted her, most probably hurt her very badly. That particular memory was most probably playing in her mind during the battle. Of course, one cannot just forget a traumatic experience. Thus, the impact to her skull must have enabled her mind to bend the rules a bit, and forced that particular memory, along with many others, into amnesia." 

"In other words?" 

"She wanted to forget." 

  Neither said anything for a while. Akagi finished her drink and tossed the can into the trash can before collecting her stuff. As she was about to leave, Gendo left her with two simple words. 

"Fix her." 

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Notes:  
Selective Amnesia – A condition where the patient forgets a traumatic or bad experience, thought or memory on purpose. In most cases other critical memories that are relevant to the undesired memory is removed from the mind too. This form of amnesia is extremely rare, and usually occur after the patient suffers an impact to her head, spine of neck. Chances of a patient recovering the memory is very slim, due to the fact that the patient does not want to remember.

_Source – I Made It Up_


	7. Little High, Little Low

Asuka sat in the narrow entry plug, her face void of any emotion. The cold trigger clasped in her hand still and unmoving, like her. Her eyes strained to the centre of the crosshair in front of her, willing the triangle to surround the circle. It finally did, and she squeezed the trigger gently, almost lovingly. The holographic prism in front of her Evangelion shattered under the heavy volley, 20 kilometers away. Asuka smiled. Training completed.

She climbed out of the entry plug, cracking her knuckles and neck. This soothed her aching bones. She had spent 5 hours in that damned plug, trying to regain what little memory of her training was left. Dr. Akagi was pleased, as she had informed her well through the 3rd hour. Her combat skills were returning, and that was all that mattered to Commander Ikari. She had overheard him telling Misato that her amnesia was a good thing, as she could be trained into a 'perfect soldier', negated of emotion or feelings. Misato strongly opposed, but there was nothing she could do against her superior. Asuka didn't mind. She somehow felt that she didn't want to remember her past life, and this was an opportunity to live once more. She would be that 'perfect soldier'. Better than the two other pilots, the blue haired hermit and that boy. The feeling was familiar.

That boy… Shinji Ikari.

He had tried to talk to her, against the orders issued by Commander Ikari. He had tried to explain to her something that involved them. He had found her in the hospital, as she was packing to leave for her new apartment on the east of the geo-front. He had talked fast, and all poor and confused Asuka could catch was 'sorry', 'love' and 'remember', before he was dragged away by security. Asuka could not understand why he was such a threat to her, and why he was barred from any contact with her except on the battle field. She could not understand, and she didn't want to. She now resembled a puppet, not unlike Rei Ayanami. They were both dolls in Commander Ikari's toy-box now. She hardly spoke, unless spoken to. She ate in silence, in her apartment, alone. She stopped going to school, instead spending every day in sync training and alert practice. She was a walking, talking mechanical being, receiving orders and following them without question. Only one thing separated her from the first child, Rei Ayanami – her determination to be the best.

She walked past Dr. Akagi and Misato, not looking at them. She headed for the showers, where she stripped off her plug suit and stood under the welcomed cold shower. She closed her eyes and begin to think, as baths always made her do. Sometimes she thought too much.

--------------------

Gendo Ikari sat behind his desk, scanning through a pile of papers. Every report was satisfactory. The 'perfect soldier' was doing well. His newfound plan was under way. Soon he would reach his ultimate goal in life, sooner than expected, after the sudden stroke of luck which was the Second Child's unfortunate accident. He smiled silently to himself, wallowing in his fortune. He shifted the papers to a corner of his desk. A photo fell out from within the file. Somehow he had missed it. It was a picture of Asuka with Shinji, in their school uniform, sharing a bowl of noodles together. It was the only picture of the two of them in an affectionate pose, as all others had been confiscated and destroyed. But this one was special. This one had to be kept in record. It was procedure. As it was a sensitive piece of evidence that could seriously damage Gendo's plans, he had ordered it to be kept in his private storage hall, where everything important or sensitive was kept. Only he had access to it, as it was hidden deep beneath the geo-front, in a room quite close to the remains of the first Evangelion. He returned the photo into the middle of the stack of papers, sealing the pile in a thick envelope. The door burst open.

"I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!" The hollow chamber filled with the voice of a young boy, clad in a school uniform.

The Commander looked up, unperturbed. It was his son, Shinji Ikari. It was his rebellious puppet, The Third Child.

"What do you think you're trying to do to us?! I can't see her, I can't speak to her…" he continued, "Father, don't do this to me. Why do you hate me so much as to destroy every bit of happiness I have ever felt?!"

"My decision to separate you from the Second Child was not out of spite, Shinji." Gendo replied in his usual emotionless voice. There was no love, only ice. "It was for the sake of the Second Child. She is in a very sensitive state." Gendo began to wonder how he got to his office.

"But I have to speak to her… I have to see her… I have to let her know how sorry I am…" his voice trailed off. It was getting too personal.

"But you do see her." Commander Ikari replied simply.

"From a distance… too far a distance…"

"And it will stay that way." his father replied pointedly, his eyes barring into Shinji's. He spoke with a tone that said, plainly, no more arguments.

Shinji turned around and faced the door.

"Then I must leave. I cannot take all this shit…" he begin to walk out.

"If you leave, you will never see her again."

Shinji stopped for a moment, his right fist clenching and unclenching spasmodically. The room was silent, only the soft sounds of muscle constricting in Shinji's fist could be heard. He walked on. Gendo knew he had won.

--------------------

Asuka stared ahead as the elevator doors opened to reveal Rei Ayanami, clad in her school uniform. She walked in, not giving a thought. They rose silently, as the meter clicked off each floor. Neither said a word for a long time.

"You are an obstruction."

Asuka's eyes widened. The one called Rei was speaking to her, and her first sentence had been an insult. She felt a familiar anger rise in her throat.

"I beg your pardon?" she replied, containing her anger.

"You are an obstruction. Your progress to become the ultimate soldier of the commander's will become a hindrance to me." Rei replied calmly.

"A hindrance to you?" Asuka replied through clenched teeth. "Are you jealous or something?"

"Jealousy is but a stranger to me. I'm merely stating that your sudden change in roles will void my very existence." Ayanami's voice was barely a whisper. "But I will make sure I am the commander's weapon in the end."

Asuka took a step forward and grasped Ayanami's shoulder. Rei spun around from the force, only to receive a slap on her right cheek. She didn't flinch. A bell rung somewhere as the cold, metal doors of the elevator slid apart. Asuka walked out backwards, unable to shift her gaze from Rei. She was too angry to say anything. Rei held her bruise with one hand, staring at Asuka without emotion.

"There is one fundamental difference between you and me, Second Child."

Asuka stared.

"I can be replaced…"

The doors closed. All Asuka could here was her own breathing. Her mind raced as she tried to understand what she had just been told. She stood staring at the elevator doors for a long time, her heart pounding madly. She did not notice the boy behind her, afraid to approach.

-------------------------------

Author's note:  
Ack! How do I carry on from here?!  
I know! Kill off Sinji!!! P


End file.
